Harry and Meghan Interview Parody - Part 2
Int: I’d like to bring in Harry now. Come on in and sit down. Harry. Wow. Just been talking to your wife here about the sheer agony she lived in; weighed down by a cloak of imagined racism; puffed up on a sense of self-importance and filled to the brim with advice people just won’t take. It seems to me, to us, maybe I’m speaking for you at home, that entering the Royal Family caused reality to come crashing down onto this special, special young lady.
Meg: Cis-Woman.
Int: Cis-Woman, Cis-Woman, of course sorry, sorry - my God! Makes you wonder if there’ll be a gulag big enough?
That reality came crashing down, causing your facade to shatter; diminishing your previous claims of importance and causing so much pain and suffering in you, and I for one think, and I know I’m not alone in this, that if reality can cause this much hurt: can destroy the self-identification of a unique cis-woman like you Meghan, then I for one want nothing to do with reality.
Harry: We don’t either.
Int: Tell us about your wife.
Har: She’s amazing. She could have been the palace’s biggest asset. But overall she’s amazing and when I was at school I showed promise with sport and art.
Int: The tell tell signs of an intellectual.
Har: It’s been hard for us, particularly my amazing wife, she’s the one who’s suffered here. I can hardly imagine what she’s been through. Apart from that it’s been amazing. It literally eats me up inside that I’ve lost my family, but when I’m down, Meghan shows me how I can contribute to Social Justice, which gives me a purpose. Sometimes I draw pictures.
Int: What about your relationship with Archie?
Har: Oh I love him to bits, he a great little trooper and that’s another thing, I don’t know how Meghan, after all the pressure she was under: abusive press and just the ignorant and those who lack compassion, managed to give birth to my perfect child.
Int: It’s kinda comparable to those poverty stricken woman giving birth in a warzone in the Middle East.
Meg: It is
Har: It is. It is. Very much so. (looks a bit confused)
Meg: I, we, are living in a different kind of warzone; the press is the army, the journalists the soldiers on the ground, the photographers the snipers. Ya know? In the Middle East, they get their arms and legs blown off during a bombardment of missiles: I have my soul ripped to pieces by a coordinated siege of hurtful comments across the media, so yes, I would say that there is a very real parallel between the two.
Int: Fascinating and beautiful. Are you sure you’re happy with him? Only joking Harry.
Har: No that’s cool - we just want to be a force for positive change in the world - showing compassion and empathy for those less fortunate.
Int: Don’t make me cry Harry
Har: as well as showing compassion and empathy for those more fortunate than us, like my father and brother, who are stuck in the system and not living the amazing lives we are.
Maybe (interviewer blubbing)
Har: I’ve been cut off financially.
Int: Nothing left at all?
Har: Only the £25 million left by my mother. And a nine-figure sum coming from TV and podcast deals. Netflix and Spotify.
In: Was that the plan all along Harry? Meghan? To use your royal fame to cash in?
Meg: I can’t believe people would even say that.
Har: We didn’t even think of it until they cut me off! Honest! We just put our minds together, well Meghan mainly, she’s amazing, and we came up with a show that the producers loved! We just took a chance in the market place and our quality shone through. It just shows that our hard work, Meghan’s mainly, paid off with about £100 million in media deals. Yay!
Int: I’m really happy you’ve recovered from your financial slump.
Meg: That means a lot, thank you.
Har: You’re amazing.
Int: This whole situation is amazing. But tell me, before we wrap up the interview, now that you’re out of the royal family, with no royal titles, security or residences, what do you think you bring to the world? What’s the point of you, if I may be so bold? Barring the bland generic statements about being nice to each other, banalities that are over represented in today’s modern discourse, why are you significant?
Meg: Well, err, I wouldn’t say we’re significant..
Har: I wouldn’t say we’re significant…
Int: Well, I think that’s something we can all agree on. Thank you both for opening our eyes to the serious issues you both clearly have, and I mean that. Thank you for watching at home. Good bye.
